Oliver jointed our family five weeks ago. Five weeks ago, I became a mother for the third time over. We are now a family of five! I see my firstborn Lincoln, Oliver's big brother. My daughter Lacey, Oliver's big sister. I see my husband, Oliver's dad. I see myself, Oliver's mom. But more than that, I see sweetness and beauty and resilience. I see heaven in his big beautiful eyes. I see strength and I see our little newborn, who has blessed our family.
These weeks has been tiring and busy. If you've ever brought home a newborn, you know. The days have blurred into one another. Add two rambunctious kids on top of that, and life is pretty busy at the moment. While still running my Day Home, thanks to the help of my sister in-law Sara.
I'm feeling the pull between my three kids. I'm torn between giving my newborn my everything and letting his two older siblings know they are still my everything, too. My love has multiplied, but my arms haven't. And that's hard, but I know it's something I'll figure out, in time. The pieces will eventually fall into place and we'll get our rhythm down.
As with everything in life, it's just going to take some time. So for now, I'll continue to give my all to three kids, as much as I possibly can. I'll continue to love them with everything I have and pray that they feel it's enough. And yes, this is hard. Nobody ever said parenting would be easy. And parenting three is a whole new ballgame. Plus adding in the many appointments that come along with Oliver having Spina Bifida. But there's a reason not all people stop at one baby. There's a reason we decided to have another one and another.
The night time feeds that turn into exhausting days are worth it. The guilt and fear of not being enough will subside. I will soon be more than just a milk machine, as beautiful as that may be.
And we will be left with these three precious beings to call our own. I'm already so in love, and I can't imagine once I adjust better this our new normal, just how much deeper I will fall.
