I'm Fine OR I'm Good

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve uttered the words “We’re fine” since I was pregnant with Oliver. With a son with Spina Bifida, working a full-time job doing my day home, a husband pursuing his education and a mom to two other child, I’m often asked (out of kindness and curiosity), “How are you? How do you manage everything?” Almost instantaneously my answer is,  “I’m fine/ good!” 

Because the reality is, I don’t think I’ve been “fine” for a long time now. How could I be? How can I be fine when I have no warning when my child may next surgery will be.  How can I be fine when my 14 month-old has had two surgeries, countless procedures and scans, and numerous specialist appointments?

But the thing is, as hard as all of this can be, in many ways, I am fine. Despite the fear, the exhaustion, and the never-ending what-ifs, our lives are filled with unimaginable love and laughter; the ability to revel in each beautiful moment that we have been given. I'm grateful of the joy that each day can bring. Every milestone is celebrated with so much joy. Every time those little arms squeeze my neck, that moment is the only one that matters. 

So what do I want you to know? There is no way I can possibly be fine. And yet, I am. I know that this is Heavenly Fathers plan for our family. I have faith things are they way they are, for a reason and everything will be okay.