My Miscarriage Experience

Understanding why is always the most difficult thing for us to understand in the whole scheme of things. I felt like everything was going according to plan and that the Lord has blessed us with our 3rd child, I became devoted and comitted to this child the day I found out and even before. Then out of nowhere, everything changed, for what seemed to be the worst.

I found out on Friday September 26 that I had a miscarriage. I was 15 weeks pregnant. It didn't feel real. I still felt and looked pregnant. How could this be real? How could this be happening to me? (My pregnancy was going so well. They only that had been different from my first two is I had lite brown spotting at 8 weeks, which I guess is quit normal due to plantation, so I wasn't ever concerned about it.) But it was real and I needed to learn to deal with the truth. I knew I could make this a negative experience and be depressed or I could choose a good attitude and make the experience the best I could, even though it wasn't going to be easy.

So when you have miscarriage in your second trimester, they give you three options. One- let it pass on its own naturally. Two- take meds. to help things pass. Three- D&C..... I’ve been emailing my doctor from back home since the beginning of this experience. I'm so glad that I was able to be in contact with my doctor the whole time as it gave me reassurance when this was all happening. He said the baby has probably passed weeks ago due to its size so he said I should do option two as my body hasn’t passed it on its own already. So Monday night I started taking the drugs around 7pm. So glad I was able to get the same drug my doctor would have prescribed me back home. I went to bed at 10pm with mild period like cramps. I woke up at midnight with contraction like pain, I felt to uncomfortable to lay down so I walked around for a bit and took some pain meds. Then I went and sat on the toilet. (sorry for the details). As I have never known what really happens with miscarriages or what you really have to go through I google a lot about it. Any way to let it pass you have to sit on the toilet. By 2 am it progressed but I was bleeding a lot and was worried from my pass history about loosing too much blood and that the placenta wouldn't come out on its own. Made a call to my doctor back home and he said to go to the ER to be safe. So at 3am we woke the kids up and went to the ER. I was able to see a doctor within 15 mins and I was admitted. The OB-GYN I saw on Friday came in within an hour ( The OB GYN was a doctor from the states that comes to St marten every few months for a week. I'm so glad i got a good doctor that was highly recommended. He flew out the following morning. Blessing in discuss.) and said they were going to schedule me for a Emergency D&C to be on the safe side as he didn't want to me loose to much blood and to make sure everything passed. One thing that was different here at the hospital was Josh wasn't aloud to stay once I was admitted. That's what made the hospital stay so hard, not being able to have Josh by my side. So Josh took the kids home and they were able to fall back asleep with Josh till 7 am. Josh and the kids came by at 8am for a quick 5 min visit before my surgery as kids aren't aloud in the hospital. But the nurses let them in for a quick visit. Glad I got to see them before I went in. It was also nice having Josh watch the kids for the day so I didn't have to worry how they were doing. Josh kept them very busy with swimming and McDonalds lunch. Josh took the day off school. I was suppose to have surgery around 9:30 am but I never went in till 11 am. I was out of recovery by 12:30 and could of gone home then but Josh was just laying Lacey down for a nap so I told him to come at 3pm to pick me up. Surgery went well. I was ask happy to hear... Well we got home from the hospital yesterday at 4 after stopping by the pharmacy, Josh went to the school  by 5pm and studied all night as he missed his classes all day and was back in class the next morning.You can't really miss class in med school or you fall behind.

A D&C was the one thing I didn't want to do on this island. I would have flown home to have it done, but didn't have time. But all went well.... Sometimes I wonder if I should have gone home when I found out I was pregnant but I'm glad I didn't as I needed Josh and he needs me. I couldn't do it with out him. No he wasn't allowed at the hospital but it was so nice that I was able to see him after surgery and go home with him after. Yes he studies and spends insane hours at school but at least I get to see him for 2 hours per day and get to snuggle and talk to him each night, which has really helped... Through this experience I prayer almost continually, I know my Heavenly Father was near and watching over me and my family. Even though this was a hard exerpience and I had to have emergency surgery here in the Caribbean, I felt like it went pretty well consider what could of happened. I know we were be looked after.

 I'm tired and weak but other then that feel not too bad. I only felt week for the first few days and each day i feel less and less tired. I’m doing okay better then I thought I would. I still have my emotional moments but I’m quite at peace that it was suppose to happen for some reason I am unaware of. It is such a blessing knowing this isn't the end. I am grateful for the knowledge I do have and that one day I will get to reunite with my little one. Until then we will always be thinking of you and have a special place in our heart.